Athena Tan

I would like to reflect on a specific, particular incident that honestly perturbed me, and convinced me that I should stop communicating with a person. This is a big deal for me, as I am someone who really revels in human connection and enjoys the positive interactions that groups of people can carry out during discussion, especially if it’s for projects.

I usually am someone who gets along well with people. If you need testimonials, you can ask my friends. Sometimes it’s on purpose (my friendliness), but most of the times—it’s not. I’m just overly-friendly, some people don’t like it—I do try to turn it down a notch after I’ve seen the Stop Signs—but it’s the truth, I’m a person who people like to talk to due to my warm tone.

So it not only shocks me, but also disturbs me, when I realize that I don’t actually like interacting with someone. Friends, acquaintances-turned-friends, colleagues-turned-friends, professional partners-become-friends—friends are a group of people who I hold dear to my heart. I cherish them very well and respect all they do.

However, I do not wish to communicate with someone any longer. The reason is simple—

–Actually it’s not, and I really do want to blab longer, but I am trying to phrase my words carefully and as an article, a controlled piece—I cannot stress ENOUGH the importance of not letting your ranty-emotions get in the way of the lessons you could have learnt instead of angrily sobbing or angrily word-vomiting about a particular incident—so I won’t be ranting but I’ll be reflecting on the reason why I simply do not want to communicate with a person I’m working with, any longer.

Let’s call this person B.

I worked with person B for a project a while ago. I invested substantial time and my utmost effort into the project, and I’m proud of that. Sure. I was happy with my performance, and how I continued to work hard to complete the jobs that I had been delegated on my end.

What irked me was B’s lack of involvement.

One of my pet peeves is when people do not wish to involve themselves, as much as possible, into their projects. I view the level of involvement of an individual, whether you’re a team-member-follower or team-member-leader, as extremely important; I’d definitely wish to see my team0member actively giving feedback, passing discourse on the topic we’re supposed to be discussing, etc, etc.

B had the role of team-member-leader. Yet, B wasn’t online most of the time, and hence couldn’t give proper, timely feedback when certain ideas were introduced. There wasn’t ample information given on B’s end to the rest of the group who was tasked to complete the project. Furthermore, B  had apparently left some team-members’ uninformed about the change in task and change in expectations.

I was very disappointed. I had not expected this, and it wasn’t a pleasant surprise.

Life can’t be all about bad things—and my reflection is part of that. So I shan’t dwell on the shortcomings that occurred but head on to the bit where I learnt something.

Here goes—I learnt something.

I definitely learnt that: to fulfil the role of the leader isn’t just informing your team what they are supposed to do, and getting them to complete their job by the deadline/within the time-period. No, instead I feel that to fulfil the role of a leader, we should be prepared to go the extra mile and involve ourselves as much as our team-members do. During the time of leading a project, it’s essential that we tell ourselves to be there for our team-mates, ensuring that they are readily supplied with enough information, ensuring that those who aren’t responding do feel encouraged to contribute as the project progresses.

I think that to be a leader, it takes a lot of your heart. You need to have a sharp mind, yes, to clearly prioritise your team’s tasks. But leading also takes heart. You need to realize the importance of creating a good team dynamic, and put in some effort to maintain or create a high dynamic and energy.

Every project brings forth a good learning lesson.

However, the previous paragraph wasn’t just the only lesson I learnt. It goes deeper than that.

I’ve known B for a long time. I know B enough and have worked with B for a number of projects that I do realize that the work ethic of B is one that doesn’t match with mine. This is regardless of whether B is the leader or playing another role in the project—I just don’t feel the same passionate vibe that I’d like to feel exuding from B. There’s the same, uneasy feeling of detachment that B emanates throughout the working process, and this was upsetting for me as the  projects we have worked on together are things that we were very passionate about.

I think B has, to an extent, destroyed a bit of the love I have built up for the subject-matter (of the projects) that we used to be so actively enjoying. Now, I do feel bitter, a teensy bit resentful…and relieved.

I’m relieved that I’ve confronted this irking feeling of irritation, and let that emotion drain out of me…

I don’t usually do these sorts of personal reflections online, but I think that this whole ‘writing-it-out’ is a welcome respite.